Back to school

Back to School with ED: School vs. Mirror

Hey, my little lovely warriors! I hope you’re all doing great and if not let me know. I hope that anyone from FL, GA, TX, and any other area affected by the natural disasters is doing okay, and just know you are in my prayers.

Sense the school year is really starting to kick in I decided to do another back to school blog.  There is one more after this one, so stay tuned for it:). But I feel that the idea of trying to balance school and an eating disorder is extremely touchy. It is so difficult to try and focus on school when having an eating disorder at the same time. Your mind is consumed with one thing only: food. Everything circles around (at least in my experience) the next meal, the next exercise, the next diet, etc. And when your brain is so wrapped around ED thoughts theres barely any room left for school work.5290f5e361c751603de8400ed2232ba1

When it comes to recovering from ED while in school things seem to be so much more difficult. You have to worry about your friends, the lunch room (which I talked about earlier), teachers, homework, test, extracurricular, social life, etc. There seems to be this huge circle of things that you have to somehow be amazing at. Trust me, you can’t be perfect according to the world in each of these categories. But, through Gods perspective you can thrive in every area of your life.

As you are working towards recovery you may be able to focus better on school work. You can think about grades and about how you want to do well in school, you can think about the sports you enjoy, the clubs you want to join; because, now that your thoughts aren’t so consumed by food and ED, you have the space to think about things you actually love. Because you have the time now to enjoy yourself. To refind you. To reconsider things that bring you happiness. In this time of recovery you have the ability to reshape yourself in every area of your life. Ask God to be with you. Ask Him to bless you to do His will in your life. You are allowed to find things that bring you joy, and do them whenever you want.

Go pursue your interest. And I suggest that you avoid doing things having to do with food. Focus on things other than body image and food. Focus on school work, work hard to make good grades. Work hard to read more, or to be in the sun more, to hang out with others more, to sew, to draw, to sing, to do whatever brings you joy.

When you spend all your time focusing on what the mirror is showing you, and what ED is telling you, than you can never fully focus on school. When your back in school it is so important to be able to focus on the task ahead of you, to really work hard in the area you’re interested in. I know what it feels like to sit in a classroom and only be thinking about the next meal, the next excuse, the next workout, the next ___________. I was never focusing on how precious a gift school is. How lucky I am to be able to attend school and to learn. 

a63b4207f8c7e3c463e04756ae1af807I was taking away my own happiness. I was giving ED control of my mood. I would let the smallest of things affect me in huge ways. I woul have major mood swings, and people would’nt want to hang out with me. My family was affected the most by this. They saw me struggling through this and they wanted to help, but anytime they mentioned it ED would push them away.

But once I began to recover, I started to have control of my moods again. I started to have fun with friends, to focus in school, to go out and have fun, or to stay in and laugh with my family. ED wants you to be miserable. ED wants you to leave the people who care about you, and the things that bring you joy. But as you begin recovering you have the ability to draw closer to God. To find a new purpose with God leading your life.

My ED gave me the ability to have experience and to open my mind to this culture of diets and weight loss. If I never started to recover than I would have never noticed how huge our diet culture is and how deep it goes. It’s everywhere. In health class at school, in youtube, on billboards, in commercials, at the movies, on the runways, in the magazines, in interviews, in our wish lists, on Pinterest, on Instagram, its everywhere. Our culture is telling us that the direct self way to be happy and change how we look is through food and exercise. It’s so a huge lie. I was at my lowest point when I was deep in my eating disorder. Every day in recovery I get happier and happier.

Happiness comes from self love and self acceptance; our mind controls our happiness, not our body.

 

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My goal for you today:

  • Take time out of your day to completely focus on something you have been waiting to do (start a book, watch a movie, walk outside, call a friends, go shopping, make something, draw, paint, sing, take a bubble bath, do self care, do a devotional, read the bible, pray, etc.).

Love, Mack.

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