Back to school

Back to School with ED: Beware the triggers

Hello, my wonderful warriors. This is the last blog for my “Back to School” Series, and I’m excited to wrap it up and start a new series. So I had my first high school dance last weekend, and it was super fun even though there was maybe 20 people there (hehe).

But, before going I realized that the dance a year ago for me would have been terrifying. I would have overthought everything about it, I would not be comfortable, I would feel awkward and weird in my body, I wouldn’t be happy. But I saw how much I have changed. I am so different and I thank God everyday (I try to) that He has brought me out of the pace I was in.

I had such a fun day the entire day (which bonus, it was my 17 birthday!). My friends threw me a surprise birthday party and then I went to the dance. It made me realize that a year ago my mental state and my personality was so different that they probably wouldn’t want to throw me a party. I was much sadder, I was quiet, I was lonely, and I stayed home most of them time because I was depressed.

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But, where I am now, I can still stay home and know that I am home not because I can’t go out, but because I prefer staying home and being with my family. I have friends who love me. And I finally felt as if I had started taking my life back from ED. I had the reigns again. I could go out and enjoy myself. I could eat and not feel guilty. I could get ice cream and not worry about it.

Life is about so much more than food. Going through what I have been through has brought me out on a totally different side. I see things so much differently now. I try my hardest to look through the lens of scripture. To do everything with God in mind. Every word, choice, action, etc. And it has changed my personality so much. When I was deep in my eating disorder my personality was gone. I lived and breathed food. I couldn’t focus on anything else, except how food affected my life.

But now that I can see more clearly I can find myself again. I can find my happiness. And I have realized that I am slowly reshaping myself according to Gods word. And something that always makes me feel better whenever I am having a rough time is to see myself through God’s eyes. I picture myself however God sees me; which is more than just physical. He sees my spirit, my should, my actions, my everything.

And I feel like he has called me to look past worldly things. Things like what other people are thinking about me. Like if I am dancing weird or not. If my outfit looks ok. If my hair is perfect. If I fit in according to their standards. I feel called to so much more than that. I feel called to live for God. And that is what we are all called to do. Called to have a spirit of gentleness.

Which does not mean being quiet all day, not talking, never sticking up for yourself; it means taking the time to think things over. Not reacting the second something happens that triggers your emotions. And a spirit of gentleness plays a HUGE role in eating disorder recovery.

You have to be gentle to yourself.

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Your body and mind a like. You have to have compassion for yourself; the same compassion you would have for a younger child going through what you are. You would be gentle with them, you wouldn’t scold them when they mess up, you would give them a thousand second chances, you would be compassionate.

And if you’re struggling with these things I recommend you listen to some podcast. I love listening to podcast whenever I am driving. A few I recommend for you would be:

  1. Food Psych
  2. The She Prves Faithful Podcast
  3. Elevation Church
  4. Bethel Church
  5. The Recovery Warrior
  6. Are Your Real
  7. Brains On (this one is so cute!!)

 

My Goal for You Today:

  • Go and listen to one of the podcast above^^
  • Get out of the house today! To go for a walk, to see friends, to talk with family, to get coffee, to have fun!!

I hope your day is wonderful and bright with all the happiness and gratitude I go through mine with!

Love, Mack.

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