Hello, my beautiful, happy, lovely warrior friends! I hope your new year is off to a great start and if not, things can change! Don’t get caught up in how the first few days or weeks of the new year goes for you, that can easily change and it doesn’t dictate the rest of your year.
So, I am finally finishing out my cautious recovery series and this is a very important post. This is something that may often times be overlooked during recovery, but especially for me and everyone I think, it is the most important step. It may be uncomfortable for some people, but it is so important.
My faith is christianity and a strong belief in a relationship with God. I like to look at God and life as not religion but relationship. He is my Heavenly Father who cares and loves for me beyond what I can comprehend.
This knowledge is what truly got me where I am. My love for God and his for me is truly what helped carry me to this point. I believe that recovery is so close to a spiritual problem. I personal don’t look at my eating disorder as a sin, but instead as something that the devil himself threw at me. Something that is difficult but not impossible to come back from. God only wants to help me from this point.
More importantly I believe eating disorders stem from a much larger issue in our lives. They are simply, in my opinion, a side affect of a much bigger problem we are facing. Maybe something traumatic happened, or maybe we a suffering from another mental disorder or maybe just low self esteem. It could be anything that triggers disorder eating patterns.
So, addressing this bigger issue in yourself is crucial to recovery. But, for me what led me through the hard parts was my faith in Christ. I encourage you to figure out where your spiritual life is. My eating disorder and starting to recover from it led my so much closer to God. My relationship grew monumentally. I started working and reading more about God and figure out truly were my spiritual life was.
Doing this led to me discovering that the only way I could fully began to recover was placing my faith in God alone. Not in the world opinion of me, or what the world says I should be doing, but on what God KNOWS is best for me.
So, here are some things that helped me through hard times, due to my relationship with God.
1. Body Image.
Anytime I would feel the urge to hate on my body, or I would feel low about myself, anytime there was a part of me I hated so much, I would think to myself about how much God loves me. Not only that, but about him being the ultimate Creator. How dare I ridicule his creation when he said, “It is good”, he said I was made perfect. He said that. The Creator of the universe called my perfect, and here I was telling him he messed up. It would give me perspective on his love for me, and for the body her created.
How to apply this: Imagine in your head yourself the way God sees you.
This may sound strange, but it helped me tremendously. I would picture myself with flowing brown hair in soft waves and the body I had didn’t really matter all too much. But, what did matter is that I saw myself as beautiful, my body was curvy and larger than my own, but wonderful in Gods eyes. I had a long white flowing dress with mesh sleeves and a beautiful crown on my head. I was His princess.
2. Wanting to Restrict.
Every time I had the urge to restrict or to not eat, or to over exercise I would put things in Gods perspective. I would think to myself that God has given my a plethora of food to enjoy. I have been blessed with the ability to access “joyful” foods. Even have the luxury of restricting foods means I have enough food to eat in the first place. I would humble myself and think about truly how lucky I am to have plenty of food in the first place. This would help me move past the mental place I was stuck in and find a place where I was thankful for the food I have.
Second off, if I felt like working out or over exercising I would think to myself about what is important. Is being fit and thin the most important thing about me, or is my intellect and my spirit. What does God say he values. Is it a “perfect” body by OUR standards NOT His, or does he value who we are, who He made us to be. He puts our character above our outward appearance. Knowing this kept my perspective where it should be, it reminded my that God does not need me to exercise but instead to have a healthy mind that puts Him at the center of everything I do and say.
3. Angry At The Eating Disorder (or yourself)
Many times I would struggle with pure anger. I was so angry not exactly at myself but at my ED. I was angry with my ED for taking away so much of my life. I was so angry that I had wasted years worrying about what seems minute parts of life. I was angry at myself for having an eating disorder. I wanted out, I wanted to be “normal” again.
But, the problem with wanting to be “normal” is that our cultures normal is disordered eating. That is why you have to move past what is “normal” by our culture, and find what God’s normal is for our bodies.
Anytime I was angry at my eating disorder or myself I would take a deep breath and trust God. This may sound impossible, but you can do it. Focus on Gods plan for you. He promises a good plan for you. That your eating disorder is a part of the plane, but by no means the final plan. God wants you to find freedom from your disordered eating. He made you to pursue Him alone.
Focus on how much God loves you. His endless love for you. Unconditional endless love. Love we can’t imagine. This love will carry you to freedom from all worldly problems, from you’re eating disorder. Put your faith and trust in his plan.
My go to verse to encourage me no matter how I feel.
“For You created my inward parts, You knit me together in my mothers womb. I will praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderfully, my soul knows this very well. ” Psalm 139: 13-14